Gross Encounters of the Porky Kind

Ahh. Another day, another learning experience. Ain't the world just swell.

For example, I learnt yesterday:

• when you tell the butcher lady you want pork for your dogs, she will treat you with utmost pleasantry and suddenly become very obliging (let's not anger the crazy people now...)
  
• you can buy "ugly" cuts of meat instead of the "leng four", at 10 bucks a kilo (I'm pretty sure I got ripped off here), and the day's worth of "ugly" meat I got was 2.5 kilos.
• pork liver is HUGE. And really ugly. And costs only 2 bucks.
• pork liver bleeds a lot.
• pork liver has bigass veins inside that go sput-sput-sput spurting out more blood (where it comes from is a mystery to me - isn't it dead?) when you boil it.
• pork liver takes a while longer to cook than I anticipated. (I figured a few seconds rolling it about in hot water would do - then I tried to lift it out with my fingers but my super-long nails punctured the squishy surface and the most lovely rusty-colored substance squirted onto my hands.)
• when they say "ugly" cuts of meat, they mean generally the meat, skin and tendons around the pee-pee place. (I don't think I boiled any coocooberd though)
  
• a pig's asshole is an interesting thing. Very elastic.
  
• when cooking with pork, your whole house will smell like the morgue for more than a day.
• when cooking with pork, YOU will smell like the morgue for... (I don't know exactly how long - I've showered scrubbed and exfoliated but *sniffs* the smell is still there)
• my blender cannot mince pork tendons.
• spending an entire day around pork makes you go fruity. And very exhausted. And did I mention smelly?
  

Other non-eww-related things I learnt:

• I may not be able to cook, but at least my dogs love my pork-and-pork-liver-and-spinach-and-carrot-and-brown-rice mash I made. (and that's why I love my babies ^^)
• I can cook rice. Muahahahahahahhah!!! (okay the bottom was a little bit burnt la.)
  
• my Math skills have become almost nonexistent after barely 2 years of zero practice.

I mean, it's really bad. My mental arithmetic wasn't the best in the world, but I could say I could multiply figures or work out my exact change pretty quickly and accurately. Any problems that needed Math solutions I could handle reasonably well.

But now...

..I've become irreversibly stupid.

Just a quick one - it makes me feel better if there are other Math-challenged idiots like me out there - ready?

Slowly now.

For homemade dog diets, dogs need to eat about 2-3% of their body weight a day.

If Jackie has 2 dogs weighing 10 kilos each, how much, in total, does she need to feed her dogs in a day?

Somehow my answer to 2% of 10 kilos was 2 kilos - *blink* please tell me your brain is as dead as mine, it'll really help me feel loads better. =)

I'm starting to wonder now if Accounting would be the right choice for me.

"..and Ah Meng Chee Cheong Fun Sdn. Bhd.'s profits read at USD 10,000,000,000.72"


***

Now sing it with me!

2 pounds of pork and skin
4 ounces of liver; throw it in
the pot and boil boil boil!
Then take the grains of rice
and cook it with the stock -
the water, blood and oil
It tastes so very nice.
Hey there, Captain Spock!
Now for the sake of rhyme
I throw in a bit of thyme
And steam the spinach leaves!
"Oh no, oh please!"
The spinach seems to say.
Don't worry; the carrots are on their way!

Yup. I've definitely lost it this time. Toodle-oo~