Reflections, Regrets, Resolutions And Other Things

WARNING:

Potentially offensive (though not intentional, nor directed at anyone.) and/or annoying, whiny ranting material ahead.

You are advised to skip right ahead to the end bit.

***

I cannot pretend I haven't reflected on the matter.
(After all I must have cried enough to drown the people of Seremban by now)

Obviously CACat aren't results you would call "awesome".

Mom clearly expressed disappointment, and Dad's somewhat stunned, to say the least.

I know I've always done what I do when it comes to academics for others, and I am barely self-motivated, especially in this aspect.

So I think, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

Not a healthy, productive approach, I know.

I am not the guy who pores over his books with vigour and enthusiasm, I am not the guy who peppily answers all questions in class, who is all glowing and beaming when he collects his scholarship.

Scholarship. It's like a dirty word to me now.

And people can't stop saying it.

I know times are hard. Obviously I do not have the luxury of being an only child, and the time to pay for Justin's college fees will come before I know it.

Can I really be that selfish?

The hope of getting one is but a bygone now, and all I can do now is go along and do my very best for A2, and when it comes to whatever degree it is I'll be pursuing, all I can work for are the merit awards, supposing they are available where I'll be.

I admit I lack the maturity expected of young adults my age, and lack the common sense to link drive and ambition to desire and long-term happiness. So I'll ask myself:

What about those kids you wanted? Doesn't their happiness mean anything to you?
Do you really want them to talk obsessively about snow they'll never see? How will you feel then?

I want the best of them. Everything. Location, education, lifestyle, friends, entertainment. I want so much for them and they don't even exist yet.

I know Mom and Dad haven't given me the toughest time about it, but the smallest words can destroy me. Because I can imagine how it would feel.

If I can feel so much for my imaginary future offspring, how strongly then do they feel about me? How will they feel, that all the time and emotion and revenue invested in this being, has come to nothing? Where did they go wrong? Did they fail as parents?

I feel as though I have let the world down. The lecturers, so proud of their trade, also see this investment of theirs, producing such unsatisfactory grades, might start to question their abilities.

And so the circle of bad-feeling continues.

Not that I wish to carry the burdens of the world upon my unfit shoulders but we cannot deny that our actions and our achievements henceforth affect not only us and our immediates.

I'm sure many of my current classmates share my sentiments, although to what degree precisely I cannot tell. Most of them have resolved to "get serious", whatever that means.

I don't goof off, I pay attention in class, but outside of it, I do not touch my books. Does it surprise anyone now?

I don't know how but I'll structure my notes and actually understand what the heck it is I'm doing this time around, or die trying.

A couple of people have resolved to like, suck the fun outta their lives almost entirely. That is their decision and if they have the mental strength to slog, by all means.

I, however, am but only mortal, and I need my earthly pleasures, and by gum I will continue cooking. It makes me happy, and happiness fuels the high I need to face the lows in life. Take that away and I will have nothing. It will be subsistence. Balance is everything. =]

***

That aside, I realized the supreme difficulty of not having a shoulder to cry on. I cried in class. I cried in the office. I cried on the friggin' bus. All in the presence of strangers or people who barely even know my name.

It effing SUCKS.

Not to be a moper but it helps with the release. You know, if you have somebody there with you.

On the brighter side, I am truly grateful to those who asked me if I'm okay, I'm sorry if I didn't respond all too well, but thank you very much for your concern, and I am very touched.

I am particularly touched by Mr. Siva's concern, who must have asked me how I'm coping thirty times by now. (this is the guy who once said anyone who hits on me is liable for having bad taste)

Thank you for offering your advice. Really appreciate it. =)

***

Oh well, onward to life. Bring it on.

***

Oh yes. Chinese New Year's coming.

So here's to you guys in advance.

Kgoong Hee Fatt Choy, hoong pao naa loyy!

Teehee.

Happy holidays, everyone.

There's nothing like good ol' cooking to lift your spirits. =)

P.S.: POTLUCK THIS SUNDAY!! Can't wait to try out xiu loong bao tomorrow!! ^^

My Apple Got 2 Cacings

Regardless.

I'm really gonna miss days like this. :')

***

So what if my grades are short for CACat.
(OK I'll kanna firing later but that's not the point I'm driving at)

So what if I humiliated myself by spouting nerves-induced waterfalls in class.
(That, and my lecturer thinks I might attempt suicide)

So what if I lost an argument and ended up eating vegetarian puke.
(Which my dear old lecturer paid for)

So what if my ribs got crushed multiple times. =P

So what if it rained like crazy.

So what if I'm trying to get a point across in this stupid post but just can't friggin' find the words?

Ah well sentimental does not become me. 'Nuff said.

:))

My Foreign Exchange Experience

Suesday (Hello), people!!

My new Cambo maid has arrived, and life at home is even more hectic than it was without one.

Not that she's nasty or anything, she's actually super sweet and very obliging, and has mastered one Anglais word: "Yes."

In fact, that is her response to everything. *smacks forehead*

She doesn't know what a kettle is, heck, she's never even seen peanuts before, and writes in Sanskrit.

It's like I have an Italian toddler in my house and I'm trying to teach her gymnastics.

Yesterday we took her to the doctor's, and she was like, bewildered so I tentatively mumbled,

"Koat chiuh kroo pet."
(He is the doctor)

Apparently my pronunciation was terrible, cos she looked at me with furrowed eyebrows until I got to the words "kroo pet", which I will assume to mean "doctor", cos she brightened up, and exclaimed, "OHH!!! KROO PET!"

-.-'' what did she think, that we were going to harvest her liver?

Anyhoo, she's got us all trained to speak three-word or less English sentences, comprising only of subject and action. Oh. And we get to play charades all day long.

(I, for one, got to charade "Take a bath.")

She calls me "Sister" (oh great, an omen to my future of chastity. CHOY.) which really isn't that weird once you consider everyone in Cambodia calls each other brother, sister, Aunt, Uncle, accordingly.

Which makes me wonder if I should be calling her Bong Srieh (big sister). -.-''

I told her to write a letter back to her Mom, in hopelessly broken Khmer (which is pronounced K'mai btw),

"Sawsaieh samboht... Mae... Sam Nam... Kampuchea?"
(Writing letter... Mother... [her name]... Cambodia?)

And she's sat there for an hour sprawled over the kitchen table, and finally said,

*pushes letter aside, sighs, shakes head*
"I write letter... to my mother... mother cry!!"

0.0

When she serves me tea, I tell her,
"Thank you."

She replies,
"Chew bubblegum."
(You are welcome)

It's gonna be a loooong three months*.

*(time period taken for most Cambo maids to learn simple instructions, as estimated by the agency)

But I guess, if we were to consider as to how would *I* fare in, shall we say, Russia, doing labwork or something, I'd say she's faring pretty well.

Plus it must be hard to be a million miles away from home with nobody to talk to.

I guess I can relate. Oh well. Until next time.

Chum reup lee-uh.
(Goodbye)

Overdue Post #2

I made it SNOW in Seremban.

See? That's my house right behind those trees..

Okay okay fine so that's a lie.

But that doesn't mean to say I'm not telling a half-truth.

Because I really did bring snow to (some of) the people of Seremban.

Know how most of us Malaysianos have wished for a classic "white Christmas"?

Yeah I was one of them.

So I decided to make snowflakes and give them to all the good little girls and boys!

Haha okay I made cake.

See? Toldja I was telling the truth. ;p

Packed in individual boxes to be delivered. =)

Altogether I made about 26 of these, I can't remember too accurately.

Originally there was double the number, but I screwed up the other cake. =(

The cake was soaked chocolate Victorian sponge, and layered with chocolate mint ganache and topped with more ganache. =)

Oh and I covered the top with marzipan as well, so it'd look neater when I cut it.

The snowflakes are just royal icing and edible glitter (RM32 from Wilton. Siao.), I still have a few left from the 41 I made. =)

All in all I think it took me like... 5 sleepless days' worth of effort? (hey I'm still pretty much an amateur) =P

This was my single most ambitious project ever... with loads of things gone wrong and huge compromises made. But I'm happy I managed to get it done and share my happiness with others. ^^

Remember the book I was so excited about getting a while back?

Helped me a bunch! And had the most stable sponge recipe I've ever tried. I abused the batter like heck and it still turned out beautiful!

Well I won't be having such huge projects for a while.

Not until CNY that is. *grins*

Because Banana Knows Kung-Fu.

Yeah. Scaree.

NOT! =P

But I'll do it anyway cos I resolved to be more accommodating.
(curse you new year's resolutions!!)

So.

1. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?

"Shhyeah!"

He'd taste bad. XP

2. How about drinking?
I suppose it's necessary for yumcha sessions.. So long as he doesn't have to be dragged home unconscious by a hingtai.. or worse.. by me. o.0

3. Do you like someone you can't have?
All 7 fit into this category. T.T

4. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Only if I found them attractive? Otherwise it would just be freaky.

5. What's your favourite sport?
Do any of the Wii Sports count? XS

6. It's saturday night, you're home alone... what do you do?
Blog-hop? Think more about cakes and cookies? Yeah. Predictable.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
I haven't gone on one since the 2006 Christmas holidays. *cries*

8. When's the perfect time to have a bf/gf?
When I'm in the need for financial stability? Like now?
What's that you say? That's not what they're for?
XP

9. If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
*quivers*

10. What are you doing this weekend?
Catching up.

11. What is your favourite restaurant?
Tony Roma's!! Omg the ribs! The shrimp! Okay, so the cocktails suck but did I mention the RIBS! *salivates*

12. Have you ever hugged someone?
Of course! Banana might not believe me, but I most definitely have! Really!

13. Ever kissed someone you weren't attracted to?
Some church auntie? On the cheek? I don't understand these Portuguese cheek-kissing customs... but I just went ahead cos everyone was doing it. =S

14. Do you like anyone right now?
Not for real I don't. Sigh. *looks at watch* Where the heck is he?!?!

15. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
=D after this nobody will venture near me.
The butt.

16. Which do you prefer, Beach or Mountains?
Mountains! Whakapapa to be exact!

17. What kind of phone do you have?
Hee. apple.

18. Computer or Laptop?
Lappieee!

19. Jeans or sweats?
Jeansss-suh.

20. Which year(s) has/have been the best so far?
2004? I loved the year I starved myself to death. ^^

21. How old are you gonna be on your next birthday?
19 in this world. 10 at heart. =))

22. What should you be doing right now?
*guilty smile*

23. What are your favourite TV shows?
Cartoons! and House. =)
"oh Dr. Chase I think I have a fever.. again." =PP

24. What's been your last purchase?
Some tops from the sale at Nichii.

25. Are you attracted to girls/boys that smoke?
It's hard to be attracted to someone you can't be near enough to breathe properly.

26. Have you ever fallen on your butt in front of a crowd of people?
I think you saw me do that last Tuesday. I was the one in the blue dress.

27. What do you do when you're at home?
Pretend I'm Kate Monster.

28. What is your favourite subject?
(quote banana) used to be english literature until it got insufferable.

29. What's the best thing that happened on you?
Not yet it hasn't. =P

30. Tag 10 people: (in no order)

I don't want to.

They don't deserve this sort of treatment.

But here's two people who do!

I tag!

SYLVEA and JULIUS.

Bledi fulls alwiz kanna me. XP

Overdue Post #1

Hello peoples!! (if such a word exists)

Yes I am quite aware that my blog is dying and quite possibly decomposing as I type, so here is my attempt to resuscitate it.

CLEAR! *zap!*

Okay okay lame. =P

But I will update, shorter ones though, as college will be starting tomorrow (curse you linear programme-ers!) so *sigh* ya get whatcha get.

Obviously the upcoming (oh I don't know, say maybe 10) posts are actually long overdue, but I will also share my experience of um.. experiencing, the vow of silence in March/April. Supposing any event of the day won't bore you to death.

I've been putting this off for far too long now, haven't I?

HAPPY (official) NEW YEAR'S GREETINGS TO ALL!

..albeit 5 days late. But it's still the first week so it still counts lor OK!

Yaya on to the actual post. XP

Ahem.

My Boy Sook-Sook got married! (urm, I believe the Hakka translation would be father's cousin brother or something or the other, but don't hold it against me. The nickname 'Boy' sorta stuck 'cause he's the only son. But I think it's adorable! XD)

Sigh. Seems like only yesterday he was still in high school kicking Ongy2 under the table and bickering in the backseat.. Ahh well.

Here's a picture of the happy couple!

Hmm. Kinda fuzzy, but that's my brother's fault. =P
Bride's name is Khim btw. Aren't they cuuuteee?

(from left) Groom's Mom, Dad, (Aunty?) Khim, Boy Sook2 and Ongy2.

Disgusting. XP

Oh and if you just so happen to be looking for ideas on how to torture a new in-law at the urm,
WEDDING GAMES,
I think it's called... Feel free to check out Emperor Palpatine's site, he has better pictures.

MY reason for having a lack of relevant pictures from the wedding games is that I'm not 10 feet tall and the house was majorly cramped with the bride's many friends and relatives.

(I managed to take a picture of the street signboard and the neighbour's sportscar... -.-'' Yeah I know. But the street name was obscene and the car was cool. So.)

Unfortunately they were taken using my very battery-dead Sony T-7, so I may have to edit this post later...

Bride and Groom's dog. Haha okay super irrelevant but I adore Pecan to bits, can?!

Anyhoo skip ahead to the dinner... (what? Chinese what. We're all about food, baby!)

Obviously formalwear was required...

Brother, Chin Uncle, Tan Cousin and the Chong cousins.

And obviously I was no exception to the rule, so...

Yeah. Go ahead, laugh your arses off.
Mom in the middle and Justin Pupu on the right.

Well like I said, I didn't get to take too many pictures, so I guess that's it then. The rest of the shots were rather miserable. (I officially fail as a photographer)

The baru-kahwin orang have actually gone on their honeymoon to Krabi and back, so though it might be a tad - okay, REALLY - late, I'd like to dedicate this post to them, and wish them the best of wedded bliss together. ♥~

" 愛情是場最美最遠的旅行 "

I apologize for being such a sap. God love ya all. ;)