Growing Pains

This blog so far has mostly served as an outlet for me to blow off some steam whenever I feel life is getting a little too tough on me. In a way, it has become a sort of record of new problems I have to face, and how I felt at the time, how I dealt with it, and the results that came of it.

In recent days troubles that have fallen upon close ones were made known to me.

Human beings are strange creatures. We are completely rational in theory. At any other time we display recurring acts of irrationality. But one of the plus points of having friends is that when you are in shit and your thoughts are clouded by anxiety, you have people who love you and you can rely on who are removed from the situation, and can therefore give you the clarity that you cannot access by yourself in that current state.

In role-playing a rational person, I suddenly realize that the lot of sense that I was spewing was actually true and completely sound, not to toot my own horn.

I don't know what it's like for other young adults my age, but this point in life, for me, is a period of self-examination. Figuring out what the big picture is.

One of the things I said was that whenever life seems a little too hard on you, treat it as a lesson, and a test, you have to both learn and overcome, quickly. The funny thing about life that it seems that retakes are always harder than the first time you have to face it. If you didn't respond quickly and efficiently enough last time, if you sidestepped it, or chose to avoid it altogether - the next lesson will be like a boulder to the face.

The problem is, we don't like change. Most of us, anyway. But whenever I was uncomfortable, out of my element, struggling - I made progress. Lots of it. And even if it felt weird and awkward and uncomfortable and I really didn't want to do it in the beginning - I was really, truly proud of my accomplishments. Kinda like leveling up in a game. And then I look bad and laugh at how silly I was not minutes ago.

It seems odd that we want so desperately to 'grow up' - to live on our own, earn our own dollars and spend it the way we want, be wild and go to dodgy places like clubs, experiment with and indulge in numerous questionable stimulants, but we want to whine and not be adults when faced with the responsibilities of growing up.

This is a note to myself - that whenever life seems to get a little too hard, it's a sign for me to step up my game, and I will rise to it. Scared and ridiculous as I will be, I will do it. It's going to be hard and I will feel really awkward, but it's completely necessary if I am to become a better me. I am willing to shed the deadweight parts of my inner child. I will grab life my the balls and emerge the victor!

Because there are things worth fighting for. Yourself.

By the way, Scott Pilgrim is ridiculous. And awesome. :D

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It's not so much a compromise - it's acknowledging that while you have your desires and your right to be upset, your thoughts and actions also affect others other than yourself, and that they deserve to be taken into consideration too. Sometimes it's okay to let go, so that others can have a turn at uncomplicated bliss, which is never truly without the expense of someone else. Looking back, in your young life, having never felt less than happy and unaware, do you not think it's time to take that step into adulthood, and let those who have been responsible for your happiness feel the way they have been letting you feel for such a long time, for a change?

It's only grateful. Fair.

Once you understand that everyone should have their turn to be allowed to feel that way. That the kind of happiness most taken for granted is the kind that we don't even know we're feeling. Then you start to see who is responsible for your happiness. The kind that is uncomplicated, free.

It came that way because of the sacrifices someone else made. Swallowing back hurt or emotions. Spending less so you can have more. All the time never telling you about it so you won't have to worry. All for you.

It's only right that now that you can see this, that you take a deep breath and do the same, for them. Sometimes it involves doing things that defy the logic of self-interest, but you know that it is the right thing to do. These are the things that nobody can teach you, that you can only discover for yourself in the course of your life. Even if you came to understand a little later than others, and you have only begun to scratch the surface, you must take pride that you have grown up, if just a little.

I've always thought I knew how to love. Not exactly. Having discovered this one facet of it makes me realize how much of an effort it is to develop such a deep and complex relationship with another human being. And despite the sheer amount of work involved, everyone seeks it. Everyone needs it. And so they have, and will, for eons to come.

I don't think I'm ruining something so instinctual and natural by over-analyzing it. I believe, when you take the time to understand something, even if not entirely, you learn how to appreciate it better, and it becomes even more beautiful. Even if it's not always rainbows and butterflies. Because you have to acknowledge something to exist to appreciate something else. How can there be light without darkness?

Push and pull. Give and take. The tide. The wheel. Up and down. Peaks and vales. It's all the same, don't you see?