Alrighty!
I have come up with a breeleeyant idea for a project! And I'm really really excited and the reason I'm writing about it is because I have a tiny issue with commitment and I feel once I have put it down here, it'll help me get started for real. It's kinda like I'm signing a pre-nup with my idea. Hahah.
Basically, it's a little like Project 365 which I've seen lots of people do for awhile now, but I'm not going to do that because I am a lousy photographer. :P
The idea is to pick a wall in the house, and divide it into squares about 7in x 7in, and basically just fill in those squares with whatever I feel like painting in.
Seeing as to the fact that I don't actually have a diary, I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to chronicle this current point of my life, but not really, because a lot of the squares could quite possibly be picture gags like this one. Because I have a sophisticated sense of humour like that.
Just stuff. I don't think I really need to explain it.
Also I think it would be great to develop a brand-new skill and hopefully I'll even learn some cool stuff along the way.
So anyway! I will be going to to hardware shop for paint soon (tomorrow?) and I have already chosen my first piece! It's really simple but I might be more ambitious in future and paint someone's face! Any willing contributors? Anyone? :D Of course I would have to learn how to vector your portrait (I'm no Van Gogh so I'll need to cheat!) but if you're cool enough to contribute to my silly little project then I shall be cool enough to learn how to use Photoshop. :)
One of the rules of setting goals is to set a realistic time period in which you hope to achieve that goal, but I don't really know when I will be done with this, or whether it will end up like most people's Project 365's. But the wall would look really strange if I painted in like 10 squares and lost interest so yeah. I may not be brave enough to get tattoo sleeves (I chickened out, did I tell you that? After the disaster with my first one. I'm still in the process of getting rid of it and I'm horribly embarrassed about it and in case you were wondering, YES IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH!!) but I can still decorate my wall with random pictures!
Wish me luck! ;)
PS: OMG the post has been sitting here for like an HOUR. I'm getting cold feet?!? This is ridiculous. COMMIT!! *clicks Publish button*
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
改变自己
Clearly, I do not get much respect.
From anyone.
But from you... Well, that's a bit too much for me to take.
I have respected you as much as a person can respect another human being. Everything you say is brought to my consideration and by default, everything you say is true.
Because you're so smart and insightful and cool and funny and open-minded.
My long-held beliefs of you were shattered that day.
It became clear to me that you did not want me as a participant in your life, that you expected me to sit content by the sidelines, because according to you, I have nothing to offer intellectually.
OUCH.
MAJOR, MAJOR OUCH.
For someone I love and respect so much, to say that to me... Wow. I can't even find the words.
Judging by how you won't even hear me out, how you keep interrupting me to assert how you are right and I am wrong, before even hearing what I have to say before discerning my accuracy on the matter, just shows your utter disrespect to me. And how I hate it when you're so full of yourself at times.
Yes. You heard me. Your arrogance is not something I will be taking. You might not like to hear it, but that doesn't change the fact that it is true. I deserve respect just like everyone else, and by gum you will show it to me.
Therein lies a small problem.
Not a whole lot of people have respect for me. I don't think I'm largely hated or anything; it's just that if it's a major job or decision or an important discussion, I'm rarely, if ever, included. If nearly everyone reacts the same, the problem must be me.
I know that I am just as capable as the next Joe in everything; but perhaps I do not exhibit such qualities of someone worthy of respect, trust and whose opinions are taken seriously and are of significant value.
Perhaps they are responding to the way I act - perhaps my humour should be less self-deprecating. Perhaps I should stop acting like an airhead just for amusement. Perhaps I should engage in substantial conversation more often. Perhaps I should not be embarrassed to show what I can do. Perhaps I can direct my feelings of displeasure in a more constructive way as opposed to wallowing in tears and despair.
Perhaps I should change the image I project of myself.
Change comes from within, and thus in context I am changing the very fabric of me.
Will I get better response with this new me?
Honestly? I don't know. But it's a shot at something better than now.
But until then, I cannot speak to you until I know you respect me, and I cannot be sure of that until I make myself worthy. I am angry and deeply hurt because of what you said, but what you think of me is my own fault, and at nobody else's discretion to change but mine.
From anyone.
But from you... Well, that's a bit too much for me to take.
I have respected you as much as a person can respect another human being. Everything you say is brought to my consideration and by default, everything you say is true.
Because you're so smart and insightful and cool and funny and open-minded.
My long-held beliefs of you were shattered that day.
It became clear to me that you did not want me as a participant in your life, that you expected me to sit content by the sidelines, because according to you, I have nothing to offer intellectually.
OUCH.
MAJOR, MAJOR OUCH.
For someone I love and respect so much, to say that to me... Wow. I can't even find the words.
Judging by how you won't even hear me out, how you keep interrupting me to assert how you are right and I am wrong, before even hearing what I have to say before discerning my accuracy on the matter, just shows your utter disrespect to me. And how I hate it when you're so full of yourself at times.
Yes. You heard me. Your arrogance is not something I will be taking. You might not like to hear it, but that doesn't change the fact that it is true. I deserve respect just like everyone else, and by gum you will show it to me.
Therein lies a small problem.
Not a whole lot of people have respect for me. I don't think I'm largely hated or anything; it's just that if it's a major job or decision or an important discussion, I'm rarely, if ever, included. If nearly everyone reacts the same, the problem must be me.
I know that I am just as capable as the next Joe in everything; but perhaps I do not exhibit such qualities of someone worthy of respect, trust and whose opinions are taken seriously and are of significant value.
Perhaps they are responding to the way I act - perhaps my humour should be less self-deprecating. Perhaps I should stop acting like an airhead just for amusement. Perhaps I should engage in substantial conversation more often. Perhaps I should not be embarrassed to show what I can do. Perhaps I can direct my feelings of displeasure in a more constructive way as opposed to wallowing in tears and despair.
Perhaps I should change the image I project of myself.
Change comes from within, and thus in context I am changing the very fabric of me.
Will I get better response with this new me?
Honestly? I don't know. But it's a shot at something better than now.
But until then, I cannot speak to you until I know you respect me, and I cannot be sure of that until I make myself worthy. I am angry and deeply hurt because of what you said, but what you think of me is my own fault, and at nobody else's discretion to change but mine.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Heart On My Sleeve
Okay, it's true. This needs a little update.
WARNING: Bloody long and senseless emotional conversation with myself ahead.
I've been having a hard time meeting new people at the new uni. Time and time again I remember how I met incredible people and how it ached not seeing them again.
Kindie.
First grade.
Second.
Sixth.
Second year of high school.
Teen basic.
Fifth.
ATC.
Work.
I console myself and say, "Well, aren't you glad that these relationships happened?"
Yes, yes I am. I wouldn't want to change meeting you guys for anything in the world.
It's really amazing that all of you are so different - and therefore beautiful - in your own special ways.
The way you laugh.
Your little quirks.
The way we can talk about everything and nothing at all.
The dorky things and hysterical moments we share.
The important things in your life you let me in on.
How you tell me about things I've never heard of before.
All of you add a little something in my life which makes up a little part of who I am. And I love you so so much. But when it's time to move on it gets a little hard on me.
Maybe I shouldn't be so attached to things. Maybe this is a little lesson in growing up.
Maybe I should just go out and have as many good times with as many people as I can - and be happy about it.
WARNING: Bloody long and senseless emotional conversation with myself ahead.
I've been having a hard time meeting new people at the new uni. Time and time again I remember how I met incredible people and how it ached not seeing them again.
Kindie.
First grade.
Second.
Sixth.
Second year of high school.
Teen basic.
Fifth.
ATC.
Work.
I console myself and say, "Well, aren't you glad that these relationships happened?"
Yes, yes I am. I wouldn't want to change meeting you guys for anything in the world.
It's really amazing that all of you are so different - and therefore beautiful - in your own special ways.
The way you laugh.
Your little quirks.
The way we can talk about everything and nothing at all.
The dorky things and hysterical moments we share.
The important things in your life you let me in on.
How you tell me about things I've never heard of before.
All of you add a little something in my life which makes up a little part of who I am. And I love you so so much. But when it's time to move on it gets a little hard on me.
Maybe I shouldn't be so attached to things. Maybe this is a little lesson in growing up.
Maybe I should just go out and have as many good times with as many people as I can - and be happy about it.
Can I?
***
PS: Spam is getting a pretty intolerable. Might change URL soon?
Monday, March 22, 2010
FF13
Is awesome. So awesomely pretty I could die. So awesome, that I-don't-play-RPGs Justin has been roped in. So awesome... Okay I'll stop now. But it *is* pretty awesome. :B
Day by day I grow a little more weary of women. So complicated, so complicating, so emotional, so sensitive, such drama magnets.
It drives me insane. Up the wall. I swear.
Now I know why boys were/are favoured as kids. Makes me wish I were a man but I'd have to marry one so that would kind of defeat the purpose.
I am making no sense.
The point is, companionship is supposed to make you feel good. Lift your spirits. Make you feel loved and appreciated and give you that extra kick to keep going on. But many a time when I'm in female company I just feel worried and frustrated and emotionally drained.
But how do you judge someone who's just like you.
Well that was utterly pointless. Moving on.
Finals in April coming up soon. Starts a day before my birthday (can you say, whee?) and stretches out for 2 weeks. Lecturers are nagging us to get our studying rears in gear. And so it begins.
THANK GOD I will have a month's worth of hols in May before 2nd Sem starts. Oh God, 2nd Sem... *buries face in hands*
I'm guessing I'll major in Accounting; I'm realizing now that not having basics for Econs and Management theories makes things just a stretch harder to pick up.
On another note, was helping out Justin with Science and Math today when I realized that I totally cannot do Form 2 Math and Science anymore. I don't remember the basic rules for angles and indices and algebra; I can't remember what a cochlea does and why the doc sticks the syringe in your arm and not your eye for instance. Jeebus where did all that knowledge go.
I am smart I am smart I am smart yes I am...
Speaking of high school stuff I was going through the scribblies in my old books when I found a jumbled poem I wrote while not paying attention in a certain class.
Sigh. I was such an eloquent child. Wide-range vocabulary too.
PS: I think I've figured it out. I just don't like you very much.
***
Rant alert!
Day by day I grow a little more weary of women. So complicated, so complicating, so emotional, so sensitive, such drama magnets.
It drives me insane. Up the wall. I swear.
Now I know why boys were/are favoured as kids. Makes me wish I were a man but I'd have to marry one so that would kind of defeat the purpose.
I am making no sense.
The point is, companionship is supposed to make you feel good. Lift your spirits. Make you feel loved and appreciated and give you that extra kick to keep going on. But many a time when I'm in female company I just feel worried and frustrated and emotionally drained.
But how do you judge someone who's just like you.
Well that was utterly pointless. Moving on.
***
Finals in April coming up soon. Starts a day before my birthday (can you say, whee?) and stretches out for 2 weeks. Lecturers are nagging us to get our studying rears in gear. And so it begins.
THANK GOD I will have a month's worth of hols in May before 2nd Sem starts. Oh God, 2nd Sem... *buries face in hands*
I'm guessing I'll major in Accounting; I'm realizing now that not having basics for Econs and Management theories makes things just a stretch harder to pick up.
On another note, was helping out Justin with Science and Math today when I realized that I totally cannot do Form 2 Math and Science anymore. I don't remember the basic rules for angles and indices and algebra; I can't remember what a cochlea does and why the doc sticks the syringe in your arm and not your eye for instance. Jeebus where did all that knowledge go.
I am smart I am smart I am smart yes I am...
***
Speaking of high school stuff I was going through the scribblies in my old books when I found a jumbled poem I wrote while not paying attention in a certain class.
And so he writes
With chalk upon the blackboard
I think to myself: "Go fly kites,
I'm really bored!!!"
With chalk upon the blackboard
I think to myself: "Go fly kites,
I'm really bored!!!"
Sigh. I was such an eloquent child. Wide-range vocabulary too.
PS: I think I've figured it out. I just don't like you very much.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I Have Been Called Many Things.
I have been called a bitch.
I have been called perverted.
I have been called a "banana".
I have been called fat.
Ooh yeah baby come get some
I have been called blonde.
I have been called a big baby.
Heck; I've been called Ugly Betty.
Some have even compared my nose to Michael's.
But the one thing that I will not stand for, is if people call me
.
.
.
.
.
SEPET.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, *the face*. And his friend, *the finger*.
My eyes happen to be HUGE dammit.
See.
Fuck you very much.
***
On a more sober note, I've noticed that a coupla buddies have been having it rough lately. I'm no good with words; especially when it matters. But hey! The sun's shining, the Earth's spinning round, you're still here. Cheer up 'kay! It doesn't do the stalker good to see ya down. :)
One day, I will man up enough to tell you that I care. Without sounding gay.
Until that day I shall remain chickenshit and ambiguous. And write nonsensical posts in a pitiful attempt to make you smile, if only for a second in your 24-hour day.
Loveyoumwahbye
I have been called perverted.
I have been called a "banana".
I have been called fat.
Ooh yeah baby come get someI have been called blonde.
I have been called a big baby.
Heck; I've been called Ugly Betty.
Some have even compared my nose to Michael's.
But the one thing that I will not stand for, is if people call me
.
.
.
.
.
SEPET.Ladies and gentlemen, I give you, *the face*. And his friend, *the finger*.
My eyes happen to be HUGE dammit.
See.Fuck you very much.
***
On a more sober note, I've noticed that a coupla buddies have been having it rough lately. I'm no good with words; especially when it matters. But hey! The sun's shining, the Earth's spinning round, you're still here. Cheer up 'kay! It doesn't do the stalker good to see ya down. :)
One day, I will man up enough to tell you that I care. Without sounding gay.
Until that day I shall remain chickenshit and ambiguous. And write nonsensical posts in a pitiful attempt to make you smile, if only for a second in your 24-hour day.
Loveyoumwahbye
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I'm Ready! I'm Ready!
Bring it on, suckas!Uh, I think. *twiddles thumbs*
Basic accounting is fun. 8B
I think I will do it every morning for the rest of my life. (super 8B)
Theory = Not so fun. :{
Monday, February 8, 2010
I Am Brave Enough For Change.
Some time ago...
B: *sigh* Jackie... People respond to the way you behave! Nobody else gets the problems you do! Behave the way you want people to respond to you, understand?!
Aku: *shakes head*
B: *sigh* You see! When you talk, it's always like you've done something wrong; automatically people will think you've done something wrong and they will be angry! When you talk you must be commanding; if not people will bully you girl!
Aku: Does that mean... people will always push me around, given half the chance?
B: YES!!
Aku: *twiddles thumbs*
B: Speak up! Be assertive! Make people listen to you!
Aku: *still twiddling thumbs* Okay.
B: *somewhat exasperated* One day, you're gonna stand up and say,
"Fuck this shit;
you ain't gonna push me around no more!"
Yeah!! :)
you ain't gonna push me around no more!"
Yeah!! :)
Aku: (Weally? Wow.) :)
***
I is not worthy of other people's belief in me if I get kickass advice and not take it in and translate it into reality.
*inhales* Today is the day. >:(
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